In the last three years as I have been in youth ministry, coached athletics, and worked at bull ridings for adults and youth, I have come to basically the same conclusion.
However, this conclusion has now come to fail me. I find that as I look at many of the situations around me, challenge is not the word I would put with it. Today, many people want security, a quality that we continually provide for our children (often longer than is needed). Here are a couple examples:
My soccer team has actually been in some games this year. I have pushed these kids harder than they really needed pushed, but for the first time in 3 years they are actually a decent team that has a chance of winning when they take the field. Some of these kids have taken me yelling at them as a negative. This year many parents have taken yelling at their precious suzy or timmy as "too aggressive" and "not very nice." Kids are complaining to their parents; parents are complaining to each other. It is not a good situation.
When I was growing up, I played all kinds of sports, excelling at none of them. I have been yelled at many times and in a couple different languages. Why? Because my coach knew I could be better than I was playing. Expecting the best out of people is the only way that you can get the best out of them. Me aiming low is not helping any of these kids get any better at soccer. Me patting tommy on the head and telling him that he is good at soccer isn't helping me, the team, or our chances of winning. If we want to eliminate competition lets get rid of everything that is laborious: instead of "hide and go seek" with its hiding and searching, we could let every kid run free in search of himself. What about instead of "tag your it" we could play "tag your special" with no designated tagger allowing each kid to remind himself or herself (we are going for equality here) that they are special in everyones sight.
That is one of the reasons I love being around the sport of rodeo. If you aint any good...you know pretty quickly. There is absolutely no way of hiding it. If you don't want to try...then you lose every time. And when you lose there is no one back there pointing out moral victories. Yesterday I saw a dad tell his kid to get up and walk out of the arena after being stepped on by a calf. Why is this? Because him lying there in the arena wasn't doing him any good and wasn't doing anyone else any good either.
What worries me is this idea that in sports everyone deserves a chance to play and everyone deserves equal playing time, and no one should get yelled at! We have spent so much time creating these false worlds that protect our kids from all aspects of real life. Upward! basketball and other places where everyone plays equal amounts are for those learning the game and should remain outside the box of common thinking when high school sports comes into play. Pissing and moaning about Johnny getting to play more or a coach yelling is not the correct way to go about anything.
The correct way is to get your butt in the gym, put on a game face, and figure out how far your heart will take you. If it is a matter of skill, a coach can help out, but if it is a matter of the heart then the ball is in your court.
I refuse to say bad things about a coach for this very reason: I have not been at their practice all week to see if little timmy has an ounce of fight in his blood for the ball. I have not been to practice all week to see if he has any kind of coachable spirit. I have not witnessed whether or not my kid has any kind of respect for his teammates or coaches. Therefore I will keep my mouth-shut.
People may disagree with me on that; but as I have seen both sides of coaching and parenting (at their best and at their worst); I cant help but feel uncomfortable about how many people have an opinion about the way coaches handle their business. If you look at them as people who are trying to achieve their own acclaim through the accomplishments of others you might be right. But also remember that they are preparing your student to work hard for everything that they get; to be part of the team even when it is hard; and to find the depth that they have to reach to excell at something. If you ask me, in this no-child-left-behind-world where many graduate and still cant read, sports seems to be the final real preparation for that hard-to-get-along-with-boss, the unfair workplace; the disappointing grade on a college test; or the rejection that comes with life. We don't need less sports; we need more.
