Sometimes I look in the mirror and don’t even recognize the man that stares back at me. I remember coming into this job with assuredness and confidence; now I feel like a hollow man. I taught on the flood this morning. A type of baptism. When the topic of baptism came up one of our elders shared his opinion that baptism was not necessary for salvation. I disagree, but it doesn’t really matter because I said nothing. I think there is a pretty strong leg to stand on when it comes to baptisms necessity for salvation; but that is beside the point. The point is: I said nothing. I shrank back.
When a man comes to the point where his convictions become obsolete what happens to the man? When what a man believes ceases to move him to action; does he really believe them?
I have a friend whose favorite statement is this: “I am not accountable to the church; but to Christ!” Sounds good to me but I wonder what happened to my backbone. I miss it. I am turning into the very person that my friend refuses to be!
It spills over to the other aspects of my life. The youth ministry under my leadership is suffering because I am not the man who will stand up and say something. Those that are counting on me to tell them about Christ are hindered because of my passivity. I am turning into the man I never said I would become.
