Q: You find yourself in a deep hole. What is the first thing that you do?

A: Drop the shovel.

I would like to tell you about the last couple weeks; but in this short space I cannot fit it all here. I will give the best of it and if you want the rest you will have to look me up!

During the third week of March, I was reading through the book of Jeremiah. I came to the complaint sections of Jeremiah. If you don’t know much about the book of Jeremiah, he has a couple sections of him complaining to God about the trials in his life. As I studied them I found some really interesting stuff. A couple minutes of meditation in Jeremiah 12 led me to pray about this section. During that prayer the pride that had taken over my life reared its ugly head as I began to thank God that I was not like Jeremiah; arrogant and questioning of God. Jeremiah’s arrogance had shown up in his questioning God’s justice and God rebuked him. My arrogance showed up without the mask of justice and conversation with God. The audacity of my prayer life is absolutely exquisite. It was then that God laid the hammer on me. Pride and arrogance let me ruin relationships and hurt a lot of the people that I come into contact with regularly. The pride in what I did and accomplished, had ruined the joy I found in it. Pride stood in the way of promising relationships and any hope of a intimate relationship with God. The realization (shown by God that fateful morning) of the toxicity of my arrogance and hubris set me on the path to a lot of humbling conversations and many more to come. These discussions have been at times awkward; at times intimidating; but every time liberating! Now I have this last thing to say: “You, Church, deserved better from me.” One more difficult to type statement; but liberating! God's work in our lives is never complete. I am thankful for a God who points out our shortcomings and works with us through them! A God of so much Grace is he!

Believe Conference Tales!

If you deal with Jr. High Ministry: Believe is the one conference you need to go to. CIY has taken the liberty of making almost all the plans for you and centered the conference around your students. Seriously, as a youth pastor all you have to do is worry about getting your kids down there and back and feeding and housing them! The teaching is centered around middle school students; you are never doing the same thing twice; there is never a dull moment on stage; and you are involved in everything! It is a Jr. High ministry dream come true!

Small Groups: This year Believe hid all of the small group questions in fortune cookies. The black fortune cookie held random questions like: What is your favorite outfit that your youth minister wears?; or what is your favorite thing to eat at Taco Bell? (seriously this was really a question). The other questions were in three different colored cookies. Each small group session was a different colored cookie. Kids would read the questions in the group and answer them; there was absolutely no prep work (which if you have gone to MOVE is one of the most time consuming prep things to do). It was a great way to do small groups!

Worship: Worship was led by Johnny Scott, Hetti Marie, and Foundation Red. They were awesome! Did some Fee stuff and got the kids fired up. Mike Miyahara on guitar was melting some faces! They brought out Eric Samuel Timm, the painter (who played God this weekend) as an artist during worship! One key to Jr. High Ministry is keeping their focus! With all this stuff going on the kids were definitely focused. It was great worship.

We stayed the night at a church down in tulsa; playing dodgeball most of the night! We were still able to sleep for 5 or 6 hours. We took 18 students who had a ball. We also took 7 high school students who worked for Believe during the weekend. They had a blast and really enjoyed working for Shawn Miyahara (she mentioned me in her blog so I mentioned her back) and Nikki Palmateer. It was an awesome weekend that changed my kids lives. If you are on the fence about believe; I would rank it as the most productive Jr. High thing that I do (even above a jr. high camp during the summer).

A COOL STORY:

Right before our kids at pizza on Saturday afternoon; our boys were explaining to the Town and Country boys that girls were the first to eat. That was pretty sweet; our guys standing up for chivalry and the girls in their youth group! That is a good feeling.

Special thanks to Town and Country for letting us mooch rides down with them and letting us hang out all weekend with them. James Wright is doing a great job with their ministry and is a great asset to Town and Country Christian Church! I couldn't be more proud of my high school kids. They were a great asset to me and the Believe Staff. They had a great time working alongside the CIY team; and I think they got a lot out of it.

"This successful life we're livin' got us feuding like the Hatfield and McCoy's" -- Waylon Jennings

This was war! Every war had a beginning! KU-MU: the boarder war, started with Quantrill's raiders attacking (killing 200 citizens) and burning the town of Lawrence. Once the University of Kansas and the University of Missouri began lacing up the hightops, the war has taken shape on the basketball court. As a Jayhawk fan, I want to be honest with you readers: we hate losing, but if the choice was between KSU and MU, I would much rather lose to KSU than Mizzou! The Hatfield and Mccoy Rivalry of the mid to late 19th century began over the killing of a Union soldier after he had returned from the war. In the prologue of Shakespear's Romeo and Juliette, we learn that this is an "ancient grudge" between the Capulets and the Montagues. One can only assume what started that war. Was it wealth? power? fame? a car wreck?

The point is this: Every war had at least on triggering factor. What if it was a person? What if you were the Helen of Troy? The reason for the fighting. Homer's Illiad (with huge nods to other ancient historians) recounts the battle of Troy as Paris, the Trojan Prince, has taken (Sappho claims she came willingly others would argue she was taken by force) Helen, the beautiful wife of King Menalaus. This war was massive. Men from all over the world would fight in this war. How would you feel if you were the cause? If you were Helen?

This is the very dilemma that John Mark (know as Mark from now on) faced in Acts. Though his decision would not cost any lives, he did cause a schism in the team of Paul and Barnabs (or should I say Barnabas and Paul?).

Mark was from Jerusalem. He had seen Christian Church from its infancy. His mother's house was a place of prayer and worship (Acts 12.12). Once his cousin Barnabas (Colossians 4.10) had taken a bigger role in the ministry of Jesus, Mark knew he wanted in. Barnabas was the one who had brought Saul into the mix with the apostles (Acts 9.27) here in Jerusalem. Now years later Barnabas and Saul ask this man, Mark, if he wants to be part of the first missionary journey! That's like being asked to go to the moon, or if you wanted a pulitzer? Its not something you scoff at or hesitate on. You jump at the first opportunity, just as Mark did.

The honeymoon period for missionaries doesn't last too long. Soon the newness wore off and Mark had a problem. What that problem was we can only speculate. Perhaps it was the reallocation of power between Paul and Barnabas (notice the names are now reversed, with Paul taking a leading role for the rest of the book) probably didn't sit too well with the cousin. Maybe it was fear. They were headed to a place (Pisidia Antioch) known for its bandits. It could have been sickness or a family crisis. For whatever reason, Mark leaves (Acts 13.13) to return to Jerusalem.

This action doesn't sit too well with Paul. When the idea came up about returning to all the places they visited on the first missionary journey, Paul and Barnabas began assembling a team (Acts 15.36). The subject of Mark came up. Barnabas wanted him, Paul didn't (Acts 15.37). He had deserted them in Pamphylia (Acts 15.38). The greatest team of missionaries to the date was now split up by the disagreement over Mark. Barnabas took Mark to his home of Cyprus and Paul took Silas (Acts 15.39-40).

That had to be rough on Mark. To be the one who is fought over. The one causing the dispute. Chronologically this is the last we will hear of Barnabas. He isn't mentioned again. How would you feel if you were Mark? The dispute had to have some kind of lasting effects. Paul was probably just as disappointed in him as he was that Barnabas wanted to take him. These are the kinds of wounds that linger for some a lifetime.

Though Barnabas fades away, Mark resurfaces. Nearing the end of his life; perhaps just days or hours before his execution, Paul asks for Mark to come to Rome with Timothy, because he is helpful to his ministry (2 Timothy 4.11). Paul mentions him from an earlier imprisonment in Colossians 4.10, and we have to wonder if the instructions were about his rehabilitation for Paul? It matters not, at the end of Paul's life, he wants Mark to come to him! Paul just spent time telling Timothy about those that have deserted him: Demas, Crescens, and Titus. We aren't sure of all the circumstances here or whether they left on good terms, but needless to say, Paul is alone (aside from Luke). Bring Mark!

So many times our arguments are final. All to often our differences are relationship ending. We harbor resentment and anger; hatred and aggression. Paul, during a hectic first missionary journey, was deserted by a guy he thought he could trust! Like the rope that is holding a mountain climber, often the resentment and anger are the only thing that still attaches us to relationships. I don't know what Mark did to get reinstated or whether it was Paul's grace and mercy towards an old friend, whatever it was it is an example.

We can't hold onto our petty ministry differences any longer. No longer can resentment rule the attitudes of our heart. We may not agree on everything, but no matter how great the wound, forgiveness and understanding can fill it. Ministry philosophies and ministry dedication differs; family troubles are handled differently by all; and some people are just hard to get along with. They will abandon, infuriate, and tear down. They will act apathetic, lethargic, and illogical. Paul felt all these from Mark, but in the same way that Jesus felt and bore all these as well, Paul found ability to forgive.

Bring Mark, for he is helpful to my ministry (2 Tim. 4.11)! The original title for Mark was: "helper" (Acts 13.5). Good to know he ended the same way he started.

"What we fear is what we’re subject to; our fears define our master." -- Erwin McManus

I am scared of a couple things. When I first started fighting bulls, I was pretty scared. I saw a guy get runover pretty good and I had a difficult time putting that out of my mind. Only the person who did my laundry that night could tell you how scared I really was! Now, I am able to put that out of my head to do my job in the arena. There are however a couple fears that I have trouble getting through. I am claustrophobic (scared of small, closed spaces); paedophobic (fear of babies); and aquaphobic (fear of drowning or water). The fear of new born babies comes from a recurring nightmare that I have about me reaching up to catch a foul ball at a baseball game (a personal goal of mine); the problem is that I was holding a baby prior to lifting my hands. I look down just in time to see the baby liquify on the ground. It is a horrible nightmare that I have about once a month or so! I dont fear water so much as I fear swimming in places where I cant see my feet and putting my head under water. The claustrophobia is more a fear that the elevator doors wont open. I have so many problems.

When I read through Acts, I noticed that fear seemed to play a specific role in the book. Fear in all but 1 case (Acts 9.26) is a literary device used by Luke to differentiate which side of salvation and faith a person falls on. Like a black hat in a western of the ability to see both eyes of a person in a manga book, depending on what a person fears is the signifier of their relationship with God.

In cases of fear in believers the object of their fear is always God (aside from Acts 9.26). The church was gripped with fear because of the actions of God when he killed Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5 and in Stephen's speech as he relates Moses' interaction with the burning bush in Acts 7. The Church feared God himself as well (Acts 9.31; 10.35; 13.16) and Cornelius was scared silly by the messenger God sent to him during his vision in Acts 10.4 (which if you are unfamiliar with Luke's writings is a common place when God sends a messenger).

On the other side of the great dividing line of fear is the fear present in non-believers. They fear the punishment of men. They are commonly afraid of the men in power over them. Twice a leaders of the Roman Army is fearful because he has been keeping Paul, a roman citizen in chains (Acts 16.38 and 22.29). Not only are they afraid of people who are in charge of them; but they fear the people under their jurisdiction. Non-believers are shown to be in fear of being stoned by crowds if they take the apostles away (Acts 5.26). The men without a relationship with God were also fearful of spirits at least once. After the seven sons of Sceva were beaten and bloodied they were scared of the spirit that did this act. Finally, the non-believers are fearful of death. In an interesting sandwiching of fear near the end of Acts we see the sailors fearing death not once but twice during the soon to be shipwrecked. Paul, during the night an angel came to him and told him to not be afraid (Acts 27.24). So in the midst of a fearful ordeal; God reminds his followers that he is in control.

Perhaps the funniest events of fear in the non-believers in Acts, is them fearing for the one who should be fearful! In Acts 23 Paul is placed before the Sanhedrin. Paul does what Paul does and he starts an argument between the Pharisees and the Sadducees. While they are arguing, it became so violent that the Roman commander was afraid Paul would be ripped to pieces (Acts 23.10). Paul apparently was unavailable for comment, but seemed unfearful.

The believers in Acts had plenty of reasons to fear. Paul says that he has "been in dager from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my own countrymen, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false brothers." (2 Corinthians 11.26) Paul was no stranger to danger, but did not fear. The early church was in constant danger, but did not fear.

I fear a lot of things: uncertainty; bills; the upcoming lessons I have to write; etc. Fear has become a constant in our lives. Looking at the early church, fear was something that they did not deal with. Fear is something that they did not do. When God is in Control: fear is not present! Great in principle; tough to live out. Paul reminds us in Romans 8.27-29:

"In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Next time fear comes, think back to the early church and the unfamiliarity they had with fear? Great in principle, tough in practice!

"Love is the highest goal to which man can aspire." -- Viktor Frankl

Everything Jesus took, was an act of love! Jesus said: "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." (John 13.34-35)

I REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT WORD MEANS! The word love. I have said it to people not really understanding it. I have proclaimed it to women without the foggiest idea of what it means! Jesus understood it very well and gave us a perfect picture as he lived his life. I believe that in 3 chapters of John we see a clear picture of what Jesus meant in his love.

Love: Serves -- John 13

Jesus put a towel around his waists and, taking the job of the lowest slave in the house, washed the feet of the disciples. The purpose: to "show them the full extent of his love."(John 13.1) In this picture of his love, he sets an example that we should do as he has done for us. (John 13.15) Love, Serves! "The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." (Mark 10.45)

Love: Thinks of Others First -- John 14

Jesus tells his disciples: "If you love me, you would be glad that I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I." (John 14.28) Love: Thinks of Others First! Jesus left the comfortable confines of heaven alongside his great and glorious Father to walk the earth; and now he is ready to return. If these guys loved him they would glad to let him go! I understand the reluctance, but I also understand what Jesus is claiming. Earlier, he had told them that if they loved him they would obey him (John 14.15). Obedience is placing the will of others above the will of self.

Love: Sacrifices -- John 15

"My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." (John 15.12-13) Jesus constantly sacrificed for those around him. His life was constantly interrupted; he was constantly queried and probed by those who didn't deserve the time. He taught the things of God to people who didn't understand and connected with people of all classes.

All of these conditions of love ultimately came together in his work on the Cross. It was there that his service came to fruition! It was there where he bore our sin and our iniquity! It was there where he was sacrificed and he laid down his life for ours! The cross is the quintessential act of love!

When I look at my own life; I have misunderstood "love." Love is not something to be gained; but something to be poured out. It is ultimately the emptying of oneself. Here in lies my problem with love: selfishness. I love me! Service is a reordering of vision from inward to outward! I stand in my own way of serving. Why would I think of others, when I enjoy thinking of myself so much? Its hard to sacrifice when I value myself above all others!

Apologies are in order for some of you. I had no idea what love was when I said it. I had no idea of the depth to which it goes! Alexander Dumas was wrong in his book The Three Musketeers, when he said: "Love is the most selfish of passions!" True Love is the most selfless of all passions as Jesus showed us.

I just cant believe that for so many years I lived by Dumas' philosophy instead of Jesus!

The Twenty Taco Challenge

Notice there are only 17 wrappers!

Pride and arrogance have no place at the table. Hubris and over-confidence shouldn't make an appearance either; however, as I sat across from one of my high school students tonight, these were the traits he was relishing!

Last night after the purity dinner, Tyler Ward, Kosten, C.J. Spence, and I went to Taco Bell and Dairy Queen. As we were ordering, Tyler became enamored with the Grande Meal. Apparently he has never looked that closely at the menu. The Grande meal is a mix and match meal consisting of 10 items of either hard tacos; soft tacos; or bean burritos. Tyler wanted a meal like that.

I informed him that there was no way he could eat 10 of anything. In a brash reply, he told me that he could finish not one but two Grande Meals. For those of you keeping count that is 20 items. In a bet only to be surpassed by God and Satan of Job 1; I took his wager!

Tonight was the night where this would be tested. AFter youth group Ireland, C.J, Aaron Jones, Austin and I headed to Taco bell to see if Tyler could complete the Herculean task of twenty tacos in the course of one meal. The argument rose as to how long a meal lasted. Was it 45 minutes? an hour? hour and a half? How long was a meal? We gave him 45 minutes!

He started off well.

First couple tacos went down well. Then the T-Bell staff came out and let us know that should he complete the task he would get 5 free tacos. One night of abdomen problems apparently has a price of $3.50 in store credit? But now the stakes were raised. They were taken to a whole notta level!

Around 8 tacos in (15 minutes) I began to get worried. He was going well and had a good rythym going (in no large part to the coaching of Austin and CJ; and the ever present optimism from Ireland). Meanwhile Aaron Jones regaled us with tales of battles and fights from his childhood with a brief shout out to the "fire thumbs."

13 tacos in (32 minutes) he began to slow down. He had started too quickly. There is a feeling; a notion that only people who have been around sports can recognize: its the look in the eye of the athlete when they realize the loftiness of their dreams; and the pain it will take to get there. Tyler had been wounded with the 13th taco!

At 17 1/2 tacos the deal was done! He was finished! Like Paul in 2 Timothy, he had fought the good fight and had come to the end of his race; it just so happened that it came 2 and a half taco shells short of where he had previously envisioned the line.

It was a valiant effort. A stunning display. When coming off a loss like that you never really are the same man; gastro-intestinally for sure; but psychologically and mentally as well. I have seen men never come back from something like that.

The Purity Dinner

Psalm 45.11: "The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him for he is your Lord."

Its tough to be a girl. At least that is what I hear! Tonight we had a purity dinner for the jr. high girls in our youth group. Natalie Holdren from Northland CC did a great job exhorting our girls to strive for a pure life. Each girl received a plate with our theme verse on it and a white rose. Apparently different color roses mean different things; red means love; yellow means friendship; and white

means purity, hence our use of the white rose.

It was a great night. The main purpose was to give our girls a night to be doted upon. Our jr. high girls had a good time I think. We had a couple high school girls there to answer questions and hang out; we had some younger girls there in order to show that the jr. high girls are examples to them. It was a really good night.

I will tell you the most exciting part for me however; involved some people who really had no business being there, but came anyway. Tyler, Kosten, CJ, Jason and Aaron were the guys who really brought the night together. The first three of these guys are students, and the last two are sponsors. Without those guys this night would not have happened. Like I said earlier, each girl was given a plate with the verse on it. These guys took the plate to them and presented it to each girl. It was an image of how guys are to serve and protect the boundaries and purity of the girls in their lives, regardless of wheter they are in a relationship or not. But it was also to give the girls ownership of their own decisions and boundaries. Guys: its our job to protect the boundaries; Girls: its your job to know and protect your own boundaries as well. We will do our part; you do yours. The biggest problem I see with relationships are times when girls dont know their own boundaries and don't have the confidence to state their boundaries.

We have a great group of girls who I hope will set their standards so high that a man will have to really prove his worth to be with them! Girls: Don't Settle! Don't settle for a guy who wont serve or protect you! Don't settle for a guy; expect the best and always remember: "the King is enthralled by your beauty, honor him for he is your Lord."

Very Special thanks to the guys for serving and to Lynda Bohlender for doing all the decorating!