As the events of the day transpired, I found myself feeling more and more helpless,
lest the fact that the previous day only proceeded to make me feel more and more inadequate to do this job. Burrito day seemed to point out my own understanding that I am not a planner. I prepared for 1350 burritos only to have Tim bale me out by going to get more stuff (about 2 times more stuff). Needless to say, I did not start this day with a high view of my abilities and gifting.
Sunday morning made this fact all the more true. I can remember not to long ago that my Sunday mornings were a very relaxing experience. It had gotten better, but today was just a reminder that I tend to overlook things, especially concerning Sunday School. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't as if an entire class was forgotten; however, I don't feel like every thing was covered up to the needs of the teachers.
After church I had a discussion about a student. Knowing this student and seeing them here this last couple weeks, I can't help but feel responsible as well as completely idiotic for not noticing the problems.
Finally, Sr. High youth group. It is no secret that I love doing Middle School Ministry. I think it is the fact that it things go down haphazardly, you have an escape alibi, sighting their age and immaturity for the reason that things did not go well (I'm sure this is not actually all of it; however, this is part of the appeal). The Sr. High group is mostly bucolically taught and solid kids. Meaning that my lessons need to be deeper; however, deepness is not my strong suit. So for another week, I feel as though my lesson was not up to the level it should have been.
Then the aforementioned game. Let us just say that it did not go particularly well. A nose was broken; not on a child, but a sponsor. It was an accident, a freak thing, but I still feel strangely responsible. I am blessed with great sponsors that do amazing things. He was just one of the many great teachers here. He is a great guy, who frankly just loves being here. He always participates and hangs out with the kids. It was a bad situation. Sorry man.
It is in these moments that I am thankful for the words of Revelation 5..."Then I saw a Lamb, looking as if it had been slain, standing in the center of the throne, encircled by the four living elders." John is engrossed in heavenly worship...he is seeing what is going on in heaven. It is a wonderful sight. Four living creatures, bright lights, loud noises, it was perfect. But the Lamb that looked like it was slain. The place that is perfect has a couple imperfections: sadness v.4; fear of the scroll not being opened; and the lamb looking slain...how can this be?
The only imperfect one was the perfect one in life. The reason that this place exists, the very reason there are people there in the perfect place is the imperfect one. This mark is not a badge or a prideful scar, but a necessary one for the reason we are able to stand before him, the reason John can see him. It was three nails, a spear gash, thorn marks on the forehead; that he wears as a mark on him allowing the imperfect who have now been made perfect to stand in his presence.
Knowing my imperfections are laid on him for eternity, and that his perfection will be transferred to me, is the only reason a resignation letter has not been signed and a faith left behind.
Allow me now to apologize for my imperfections...
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